To have confident means that you know your value and you are ready to risk yourself for what you want
Our confidence is not always at the same state and most of the time is focused on specific activities or skills, like: «I am confident to play an instrument but maybe not as much to solve mathematical equations». One separate thing is to understand your own limitations and other is to have enough courage to do something new regardless of your level. Because nobody was born knowing how to do something and mastery of a certain skill takes effort and time, just being confident enough when a certain level is acquired and being paralyzed by that feeling, is a big detriment to change your life and thrive in new things, make a career change, etc.
In this article I will share with you where does confidence comes from and how to empower it by healing what is keeping us from our full potential.
Focusing our confidence inside and not externally
First we will want to make a difference in between focusing our confidence internally and externally. This means that when your source of confidence is «your personal value» and not «what others say about you» it will change completely the way you look at yourself and how others will perceive you as well. The meaning of happiness, success, peace, wealth, health and so on will not be determined by what others have or look like and how others perceive you, but on how you perceive yourself regardless of your current situation.
The way you talk to yourself is the way you identify with your current «state of mind». The more you reinforce feelings like self-pity, guilt, or apathy, the more they will be part of your «persona», your attitude towards life will be defined by this emotions and people will perceive you like a non trustful person. Therefore it will be harder to get better job opportunities, positive friends and a loving relationship with your significant other.
If you try to show to others how trustworthy you are, first you need to feel it deep in yourself, and that is a matter of attitude, self love and the capacity to see your reality with a certain objectivity. You can’t go there trying to make others happy and meet everybody’s expectations about yourself, if you don’t do that first with yourself. The results from doing that, which means being dishonest and treason your very own values, are destructive and cause of depression and suicide.
Things started to change drastically when I stopped focusing on my external situation and started giving real attention to my internal wellbeing. With simple activities such as enjoying time alone, being in nature, spending time with people that I felt loved, creating music or writing, dancing and doing sports. All this activities helped me to start seeing myself in another way, but what made the real change was to see myself as the only real source of energy and confidence, recognizing and accepting all those parts that needed attention and work and giving myself the time to do it.
Where lies the root of the lack of confidence?
Confidence is related to love, if you are a person that feels loved by «life or god», by your family, friends and peers, you will get a better chance to have a good amount of confidence. In the other hand, the lack of it, may come from a harsh childhood or nobody modeling us how to act with confidence. Many people may have had a «normal» life and family but their parents or teachers never taught them how to feel secure.
The lack of confidence comes from 3 negative feelings that we all had experienced since childhood: rejection, abandonment and humiliation.
The key component on this emotions is that they act as the source of most of our fears and confidence is being able to see, accept and confront it. When deeply identified to one of this emotions, all our actions will be defined by it. For example, a person that is deeply identified to the feeling of rejection will do anything to be accepted, losing her truth and real value for a piece of attention from somebody else. A person with too much abandonment will try to fill his life with many fake friends, material things or food. A person that was very humiliated will act in a distrustful way with destructive tendencies on excesses and will try to humiliate others to feel better.
When the rejected feels confident, stop caring about others opinions. When the abandoned is in confidence, learns to value herself more and builds positive relationships. When the humiliated feels confidence is able to change the destructive behaviors and trust in others.
Confidence is the strength and courage that comes from love
If you are a person that is looking to become more confident I recommend you put your attention on how much love you are able to receive and give. Learn how to be in balance on how much of this «attention» is being directed towards yourself and how much is going outside to somebody else.
Here are 6 actions that you can do right now to start growing your confidence
- Start a healing process of your inner child with a therapist or coach, asking for help when our past or fears seem to big is a safe way to start transforming your life.
- Learn to accept your past without judgement or shame, instead be empathic and kind to yourself always.
- Make peace with family and friends by cultivating forgiveness and compassion. Find your balance and leave the past in the past.
- Recognize what makes you feel fear or out of place and risk to put yourself into the experience. (Try not to harm yourself or others in the process)
- Practice new skills and learn new things, meet new people, travel to new places. Every time you try something new, you give yourself the chance to be a new person too.
- Learn to meditate to understand that you, me and everything else is interconnected. That we are all together in this life and that there is no separation from you and everything else. We are all one and one is all.
If you are looking for help to become a much more confident person just send me a message, I will be happy to help you.
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