Core Habits: Why everybody should know about them

The key to act in consequence with our inner truth is rooted in the habits that will help you grow and nurture your most important objectives and purpose.

This article will help you understand what core habits are and why you should have a clear vision about them.

Identifying our habits

We all have habits, thats a clear thing, but not all of them have the same importance or we prioritize them in the same manner. When we are kids we are normally taught basic habits by our parents and teachers at school to help us adapt and progress through life. Some of those we as adult may keep and others not.

Then as young adults we start choosing all sort of new habits that are closer to our personal interest, but we don’t always succeed on growing them because of lack of motivation and discipline.

If I could ask anyone how many habits do you have and how many of them did you choose, how many of them do you work consistently on or how many of your habits are you aware of. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that somebody ansers: «I am not sure how many habits do I have, maybe most of my current habits were grown at a young age motivated by my enviorenment, I can only work consistently in 1 or 2 habits, maybe I am not fully aware of all my habits».

When speaking about habits I like to separate them into 3 categories, external habits, internal habits, unconscious habits.

The external habits are those that represent any kind of behavior that is directly related to our occupation, relationships and self expression. Like at what hour do you wake up, how many days do you workout, your working hour schedules and routines, how do you intercat with others and what sort of relationships do you build. Basically anything that requires to interact direclty with the outside world.

The internal habits are subconscious layers of our behaviors that happen in our psyche. Emotional patterns, mental patterns and the interaction between them that normally fuel and motivate our external habits. «I workout because it makes me feel happy» for example, could be seen as only one habit, but in reality is formed by a group of them, external and internal repeteative actions that together build up the behavior and the habit.

Also everytime I get angry or lose patience I shout to the person that apparently is to blame, afterwards I feel guilt for my lack of self control and this generates a feeling of distrust, sadness and frustration, which may be strengthening a current habit that is always present in all my relationships, but because people accept the way I act, then the habit is never changed.

So we could observe all the habits going on in that sequence and understand why I can never feel real happiness within myself and my couple. In that sense we need to understand that habits don’t work as a singular action, they are all related to each other like a plate of pasta, making it hard to recognize where is the begining or the end.

The third kind of habits, the «unconscious» are all the habits that we constantly do and we aren’t aware of. So basically most of them unless you have done a big job indentifying how your pshyche is built and also, you are consciously choosing every word you think and say, every aspect of your life and how you manage every relationship. Personally I believe that being fully aware of everything is an endless work and the risk is to fall into an over-restrictive and excesive control way of life, that in result can bring stress and unhappiness overall if there is no balance and healthy ways to manage yourself.

The Habit Hierarchy

One solution to become aware in a healthy way of our habits is to learn their hierarchy, basically giving them a value and focusing on those who are really important. By prioritizing our habits we also learn to be coherent with our truth and core values.

The question we need to ask is: To which values are my habits related?

When we start taking care of the most important habits that define our current life, the way we act, the way we feel, the way we look, the way we think, the way we share and connect to others, then all the rest of our behaviors, patterns and small habits will fall like domino pieces. The seceret is to take care of the root first and then take precise attention over the branches, if necessary.

Core values and Core Habits

Once you have identified your top 5 core habits (the ones that basically sustain who you are internally and externally) is good to get a deeper understanding about them by making a cross comparisson to your core values. If there is a habit that is not coherent with any of the most important values it means that there is somethig you will want to change.

Either you change that habit or review your values and check if that is who you really are and want to be. By addressing your values and habits you build a powerful structure that will give support to your overall life. Also by identifying your core values you will know why and what really motivates you, which will be transfered as a fluid energy source for you and your daily life.

Here are a set of questions to help you recognize the core habits that you need to reach any objective in your life.

  • What are the 3 most important things in my life?
  • What do I do in a daily and weekly basis to nurture this parts of my life?
  • What am I not doing but I know I should be doing to get better on this 3 aspects or objectives?
  • What values motivate me to have this habits in my life and get better at them?
  • Which habits could I change or let go to prioritize those that are most important to me?

Please share your answers with me and this blog post with your friends if you feel it can help anybody to improve their life!

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How to conquer your confidence and thrive

To have confident means that you know your value and you are ready to risk yourself for what you want

Our confidence is not always at the same state and most of the time is focused on specific activities or skills, like: «I am confident to play an instrument but maybe not as much to solve mathematical equations». One separate thing is to understand your own limitations and other is to have enough courage to do something new regardless of your level. Because nobody was born knowing how to do something and mastery of a certain skill takes effort and time, just being confident enough when a certain level is acquired and being paralyzed by that feeling, is a big detriment to change your life and thrive in new things, make a career change, etc.

In this article I will share with you where does confidence comes from and how to empower it by healing what is keeping us from our full potential.

Focusing our confidence inside and not externally

First we will want to make a difference in between focusing our confidence internally and externally. This means that when your source of confidence is «your personal value» and not «what others say about you» it will change completely the way you look at yourself and how others will perceive you as well. The meaning of happiness, success, peace, wealth, health and so on will not be determined by what others have or look like and how others perceive you, but on how you perceive yourself regardless of your current situation.

The way you talk to yourself is the way you identify with your current «state of mind». The more you reinforce feelings like self-pity, guilt, or apathy, the more they will be part of your «persona», your attitude towards life will be defined by this emotions and people will perceive you like a non trustful person. Therefore it will be harder to get better job opportunities, positive friends and a loving relationship with your significant other.

If you try to show to others how trustworthy you are, first you need to feel it deep in yourself, and that is a matter of attitude, self love and the capacity to see your reality with a certain objectivity. You can’t go there trying to make others happy and meet everybody’s expectations about yourself, if you don’t do that first with yourself. The results from doing that, which means being dishonest and treason your very own values, are destructive and cause of depression and suicide.

Things started to change drastically when I stopped focusing on my external situation and started giving real attention to my internal wellbeing. With simple activities such as enjoying time alone, being in nature, spending time with people that I felt loved, creating music or writing, dancing and doing sports. All this activities helped me to start seeing myself in another way, but what made the real change was to see myself as the only real source of energy and confidence, recognizing and accepting all those parts that needed attention and work and giving myself the time to do it.

Where lies the root of the lack of confidence?

Confidence is related to love, if you are a person that feels loved by «life or god», by your family, friends and peers, you will get a better chance to have a good amount of confidence. In the other hand, the lack of it, may come from a harsh childhood or nobody modeling us how to act with confidence. Many people may have had a «normal» life and family but their parents or teachers never taught them how to feel secure.

The lack of confidence comes from 3 negative feelings that we all had experienced since childhood: rejection, abandonment and humiliation.

The key component on this emotions is that they act as the source of most of our fears and confidence is being able to see, accept and confront it. When deeply identified to one of this emotions, all our actions will be defined by it. For example, a person that is deeply identified to the feeling of rejection will do anything to be accepted, losing her truth and real value for a piece of attention from somebody else. A person with too much abandonment will try to fill his life with many fake friends, material things or food. A person that was very humiliated will act in a distrustful way with destructive tendencies on excesses and will try to humiliate others to feel better.

When the rejected feels confident, stop caring about others opinions. When the abandoned is in confidence, learns to value herself more and builds positive relationships. When the humiliated feels confidence is able to change the destructive behaviors and trust in others.

Confidence is the strength and courage that comes from love

If you are a person that is looking to become more confident I recommend you put your attention on how much love you are able to receive and give. Learn how to be in balance on how much of this «attention» is being directed towards yourself and how much is going outside to somebody else.

Here are 6 actions that you can do right now to start growing your confidence

  1. Start a healing process of your inner child with a therapist or coach, asking for help when our past or fears seem to big is a safe way to start transforming your life.
  2. Learn to accept your past without judgement or shame, instead be empathic and kind to yourself always.
  3. Make peace with family and friends by cultivating forgiveness and compassion. Find your balance and leave the past in the past.
  4. Recognize what makes you feel fear or out of place and risk to put yourself into the experience. (Try not to harm yourself or others in the process)
  5. Practice new skills and learn new things, meet new people, travel to new places. Every time you try something new, you give yourself the chance to be a new person too.
  6. Learn to meditate to understand that you, me and everything else is interconnected. That we are all together in this life and that there is no separation from you and everything else. We are all one and one is all.

If you are looking for help to become a much more confident person just send me a message, I will be happy to help you.

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3 tools to wake up the fire of determination

Learn 3 tools to wake up the fire of determination and never let anything to stop you from getting what you want and becoming who you want to be.

Are you lacking the determination required to make any change in your life? Do you consider yourself a determined person when it comes to be 100% committed? What is the reason that some people can have the conviction to follow a path all the way in and many others don’t?

Why you should learn how to fire up and cut the crap quickly?

Life works with cycles and without them, probably it would lose the capacity to keep on going and evolving.

That’s right, the way we progress is by cycles too and we should aim to understand and set up our priorities accordingly. One of the biggest mistakes is to believe things are linear and we just need to go straight forward onto them.

So naturally we feel the desire to get something new and to do so we will need to make some adjustments on our daily habits in order to get it. The problem comes when we are not fully aware of our own cycles, so we expect to «work» with the same intensity all the time, for example. This bring us to deception and repetitive failure, which can make us feel frustration, guilt, anger, etc.

What will mostly happen is that we will need extra energy and time to get fired up again, and if we don’t know exactly how to do it efficiently, then we will quit that endeavour by calling it too difficult, not the right time, not enough «insert skill here», and so on.

Most skillful and successful people know exactly what to do when having their fire down, because they create a ritual or a group of actions to change it.

Understanding our motivation cycles

A wise-man shaman told me once that motivation is not enough to transform your life, that is only the beginning. If motivation is like a big fire in your heart, then determination is the spark that started it.

So let set an example, imagine that tomorrow you are starting a new diet, and by the 3rd day you go out with some friends and eat some slices of your favorite pizza. Most of us will feel guilt and after that will decide to re start the diet next week to fill up again with enough determination (strength). Which predictable we are not gonna start it again in any close date.

So we want to change this and we are not sure of how. Well, first take notes of all your failures and successes and try to understand how your «motivation cycle works». What do you do to feel motivated enough and then what do you do to start, and after what do you do to «fail» or «succeed». Once you get a clear understanding on how do you work internally, then is time to make some changes into that.

We will want to avoid repeating the cycles that brought us to failure, but because we are never really free from them, we should aim to build a protective mindset mechanism that will allow us to fall deep enough to quit(again).

How to start the fire «again»?

Get a goal, make a simple plan and start with what you can and have at the moment.

Sounds easy… but is not.

We will need 3 items to be able to start our fire again and again until we become very skillful and we basically stop noticing any deep changes in our mood and discipline.

Item #1: A ritual to make you spark on anytime and anywhere. It can be some sort of dance, getting out in nature, a conversation with a very like minded and positive friend or coach. Anything that as soon as you do it, makes you feel again the spark to start over and continue. I used to watch some motivational videos in youtube, made a playlist that I would listen everyday after work and would go directly to my training session, no distractions in the middle.

Item #2: The right mindset. Which basically means to understand that life is about cycles, that there are always going to be ups and downs, that perfection is an unattainable ghost, that nothing is so bad or so good, and we can always start again, no matter our age or anything else. The more we cultivate the right mindset, the less danger to quit or dwell into frustration, guilt and other negative emotions and thoughts.

Item #3: An object that remind us who we are, why we started and help us keep our faith in ourselves intact. It can be anything that regardless of the tides of life will always remember us our own value. We need conviction and a recordatory of it. It can be a song, a photo, a certain emotion or experience. Anything that keep us anchored to our inner strength and purpose. I like using a visual recordatory on the wall that I can see everyday.

What now? What else is needed? Am I ready to become a 100% fully determined person that will never let my failures put me down again so I can strive to be the best version of myself?

YES! and not exactly. Why? Because of course this requires practice and repetition, over and over and over. So my sincere wish is that you learn to see failure as your best friend and as new opportunities to master your determination.

There is no specific order in how to apply this tools, just concentrate in repeating them, making changes from time to time. Build up your winning ritual, write down the exact words to cultivate the right mindset and keep your object of anchorage close to you. The rest is just practice and nothing else.

Have a fully determined day starting right now!

If you found this blog article interesting, share it with your friends and family!

Peace.

Félix.

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Yoga Saint-Tropez

Yoga, Fitness and Meditation in Saint-Tropez Book Your Class Today! Private and group classes for people that prioritize their Health and Fitness Life is movement, and from this premise, we learn how to move in ways that our body reaches new limits. Our practice (physical discipline) should bring us health and well-being, altogether, it should…

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