How to conquer your confidence and thrive

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on February 15, 2022

To have confident means that you know your value and you are ready to risk yourself for what you want

Our confidence is not always at the same state and most of the time is focused on specific activities or skills, like: “I am confident to play an instrument but maybe not as much to solve mathematical equations”. One separate thing is to understand your own limitations and other is to have enough courage to do something new regardless of your level. Because nobody was born knowing how to do something and mastery of a certain skill takes effort and time, just being confident enough when a certain level is acquired and being paralyzed by that feeling, is a big detriment to change your life and thrive in new things, make a career change, etc.

In this article I will share with you where does confidence comes from and how to empower it by healing what is keeping us from our full potential.

Focusing our confidence inside and not externally

First we will want to make a difference in between focusing our confidence internally and externally. This means that when your source of confidence is “your personal value” and not “what others say about you” it will change completely the way you look at yourself and how others will perceive you as well. The meaning of happiness, success, peace, wealth, health and so on will not be determined by what others have or look like and how others perceive you, but on how you perceive yourself regardless of your current situation.

The way you talk to yourself is the way you identify with your current “state of mind”. The more you reinforce feelings like self-pity, guilt, or apathy, the more they will be part of your “persona”, your attitude towards life will be defined by this emotions and people will perceive you like a non trustful person. Therefore it will be harder to get better job opportunities, positive friends and a loving relationship with your significant other.

If you try to show to others how trustworthy you are, first you need to feel it deep in yourself, and that is a matter of attitude, self love and the capacity to see your reality with a certain objectivity. You can’t go there trying to make others happy and meet everybody’s expectations about yourself, if you don’t do that first with yourself. The results from doing that, which means being dishonest and treason your very own values, are destructive and cause of depression and suicide.

Things started to change drastically when I stopped focusing on my external situation and started giving real attention to my internal wellbeing. With simple activities such as enjoying time alone, being in nature, spending time with people that I felt loved, creating music or writing, dancing and doing sports. All this activities helped me to start seeing myself in another way, but what made the real change was to see myself as the only real source of energy and confidence, recognizing and accepting all those parts that needed attention and work and giving myself the time to do it.

Where lies the root of the lack of confidence?

Confidence is related to love, if you are a person that feels loved by “life or god”, by your family, friends and peers, you will get a better chance to have a good amount of confidence. In the other hand, the lack of it, may come from a harsh childhood or nobody modeling us how to act with confidence. Many people may have had a “normal” life and family but their parents or teachers never taught them how to feel secure.

The lack of confidence comes from 3 negative feelings that we all had experienced since childhood: rejection, abandonment and humiliation.

The key component on this emotions is that they act as the source of most of our fears and confidence is being able to see, accept and confront it. When deeply identified to one of this emotions, all our actions will be defined by it. For example, a person that is deeply identified to the feeling of rejection will do anything to be accepted, losing her truth and real value for a piece of attention from somebody else. A person with too much abandonment will try to fill his life with many fake friends, material things or food. A person that was very humiliated will act in a distrustful way with destructive tendencies on excesses and will try to humiliate others to feel better.

When the rejected feels confident, stop caring about others opinions. When the abandoned is in confidence, learns to value herself more and builds positive relationships. When the humiliated feels confidence is able to change the destructive behaviors and trust in others.

Confidence is the strength and courage that comes from love

If you are a person that is looking to become more confident I recommend you put your attention on how much love you are able to receive and give. Learn how to be in balance on how much of this “attention” is being directed towards yourself and how much is going outside to somebody else.

Here are 6 actions that you can do right now to start growing your confidence

  1. Start a healing process of your inner child with a therapist or coach, asking for help when our past or fears seem to big is a safe way to start transforming your life.
  2. Learn to accept your past without judgement or shame, instead be empathic and kind to yourself always.
  3. Make peace with family and friends by cultivating forgiveness and compassion. Find your balance and leave the past in the past.
  4. Recognize what makes you feel fear or out of place and risk to put yourself into the experience. (Try not to harm yourself or others in the process)
  5. Practice new skills and learn new things, meet new people, travel to new places. Every time you try something new, you give yourself the chance to be a new person too.
  6. Learn to meditate to understand that you, me and everything else is interconnected. That we are all together in this life and that there is no separation from you and everything else. We are all one and one is all.

If you are looking for help to become a much more confident person just send me a message, I will be happy to help you.

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Keep it simple, a strategy to live lighter

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on February 14, 2022

Living a simple life

In this article I will show you a basic strategy to transform from feeling stuck and heavy to feel in trust with clarity and light.

What sort of person are you? Do you simplify your life or do you find it complex and difficult?

I have listened the word “complicated” one trillion times in my life, and usually the people that most use it are the ones that are more frustrated with their life, job or relationship. They will usually feel stuck and slow with hundreds of problems at the same time, no one more important than the other, everything just messy and unclear.

In the other hand people that have a lighter way of life, tend to be optimistic and solving problem oriented, they fix their attention in solutions and when there is nothing to do about something or feel uncertain on which road to take, they know how to wait and stay in silence until things get clearer.

So you may become a person that flows through life, allowing your inner creativity to show you the way through whatever obstacle and with the capacity to stay in silence to wait and listen what your inner truth is about.

Step 1: Clean up your room and mind

Before any further action we need to clean up, trash everything that is not making sense anymore in our life and make space for the new. Creativity can’t grow in a place that is full. You will not have new positive thoughts and ideas if you are full of the old ones that has kept you where you are now.

There are so many ways to do this, but the more space we leave the better. Get rid of any thought, belief, material possession, relationship, etc. that is not letting you walk the way you know you could. Or perhaps you don’t know but you wish it.

I know is hard, we have attachment to our old stuff. But take a serious decision and leave it. Perhaps in the future you will get a better one, or you may find the time to “fix it”. But the first step is to let it go.

Make a list of the things in your life that are just there using space and energy and prioritize those that need to be trashed right now.

Step 2: Embrace silence

Silence can be our best friend, although it can be difficult to remain in it. Our mind is always making noise and life is always busy, together with so many distractions such as social media, tv shows, etc. The more space and silence we can create, the more clarity and capacity to listen we will develop.

I recommend to have a daily meditation practice. Sometimes 10 minutes can make a big difference, but we need to create this habit, which may be a bit difficult. In that case I suggest to follow guided meditations or yoga classes to learn and build up the habit in us.

Another thing I recommend is to do a technology fast. Just stay one complete day without looking at your phone and TV. Shut off all electronic equipment in your home and just do some other activities like art, music or bonding with your partner, family or pets. Take care of your garden, go out to nature, sleep. Any of this activities will help you connect with your inner silence. Avoid talking to people if you are too social and extroverted. Just take a time for yourself without any distraction.

Step 3: Go into Zen Mode

Less is better. Avoid the tendency to fill up all the empty spaces and learn to see the beauty of emptiness. You will discover that as solitude, it is very enriching because the little things you have already, will become more meaningful. Also you will always have “free space” to create something new, to change and move things up. To adapt to a new lifestyle, add better habits and so on.

The more things and thoughts you have, the more energy you need to spend on them. Life can be very exhausting when you have so many activities and responsibilities to take care of. Learn to focus on the most important ones and do your best. You will discover that your capacity to be present will be improved, you will become mindful and better at anything you do. It is all about redirecting our energy to the most important activities only.

From time to time, repeat this steps to maintain your life light. Imagine you can put all your life in one bag, what would you chose? Now bring this example to your thoughts and emotions. What thoughts would you chose to keep and which other would you prefer to let go?

Cultivating a Zen mode habit is the best way to keep yourself in peace and able to enjoy life better.

How can I choose what to keep and what let go?

Make yourself this questions

  • Is this vital for me? Will I or somebody die without it?
  • Will my life change drastically if I let it? For good or bad. If good you keep it, if bad you let it.
  • Could it be replaced for something better? Can I replace it right away?
  • Do I REALLY need it? Or it is just for fun and pleasure.
  • Could I use that space for something else or even letting it empty?
  • Is this helping me get the results that I want in my life? Have the lifestyle that I wish? The performance that I want? The health that me and my family deserve?
  • How could be my life without it? How could be my life with more of this?

Send me a message if you wish to go deeper into how to get into ZEN MODE!

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How to become self motivated and why

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on February 10, 2022

When all lights go down, is the light from within that gives us the energy to keep going towards our goals.

In this post I will give you 4 rituals to become a self motivated person and why this should be a priority in your life.

How does a self motivated person acts in a daily base?

A self motivated person is able to control her mindset in order to achieve her goals and dreams. If you learn how to get up by your own means without depending on any external factor you will win freedom and power. That is why is so important to understand how your psyche works together with your good and bad habits, in order to tweak and reinforce those that will bring you to your desired destiny.

If you depend too much in other people and external circumstances in order to feel motivated enough to move, you will always be “forced” by this external circumstances and will be too easy to lose sight of your priorities and purpose. In one hand we learn to make peace with all those things that are not under our control, in the other hand if we let them they can manipulate our energy, motivation and even destroy our dreams and hopes , our personal beliefs will be changed by “life circumstances” and we will lose our personal power to transform and thrive, you will find yourself under the control of everything or everyone else except you.

How can I become self motivated?

Basically you need rituals that teaches to your own system (psychological and neurological) how to be resilient and persistent. Those rituals should help you to remember why you started in the first place and how to keep in rail even if you are moving slow or fast. Also, you may need to cut off people and activities that are not helping you to be and think differently, that are distracting you from who you want to become, especially those that drain your energy and time.

Here I present you 4 rituals to become a self motivated person!

The awakening ritual: Write down on the wall your most important goals, read them every day and visualize yourself already there, every day when you wake up or when you go to sleep. Discover your big “WHY” and repeat it like a mantra. Use a special song that reinforce those feelings and images, everytime you feel down or under difficulties, listen to the song or playlist. Make it easy to remember with other elements such as a set of colors, an animal or clothes. For example: “Everyday after I leave my child at the school, I listen to my playlist and declare that this day I am making one more step to reach my goals”.

The movement ritual: Our brain makes better and stronger connections when we use physical movement while learning new intellectual things, such as memorizing something, doing math, etc. We can use anything movement related such as dance, martial arts, training, running, etc. to empower our beliefs, our vision, our goals, steps, and almost everything else. Make your “dance of success” or your own “motivational training” by combining both activities. Do it daily at anytime.

The creative ritual: When feeling stuck or unable to bring fast solutions for our challenges it is common to lose momentum. In order to get out of the black hole, creativity is our best friend. Paint, draw, play an instrument, write a story, make anything with your hands, play with your kids, use colors and tell your story on those pieces of creation, paint your dreams and wishes. Make lists of everything that needs a potential solution and write them down. Do some brainstorming and connect your ideas, the solutions and what can you do right now to start making progress.

The gratitude ritual: Gratitude is a powerful emotion that transforms all negative thinking and emotion. Give thanks for your life, give thanks for your opportunities and for your challenges, because is thanks to them that you reach your next level or desired goal. Especially give thanks to yourself from the past that led you to this present moment, that took the chances, that believed more than anyone else that it was possible. Give yourself a big thank you and embrace all your imperfections because even with them, you were able to move forward. Every night before sleeping show yourself some self gratitude and go to sleep with this feeling.

What else now?

One big reason we lose motivation is that we don’t have a sense of urgency or we wrongly believe that things can go back as they were before. What will happen if I fail? Then I can just go back being the person I once was?

Wrong. We are getting old. We are heading towards death. We are never the same, we can’t go back. Staying attached to a certain status quo will only make us lose the most important asset we’ve got, which is time.

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Mindset: There is only one direction, forward

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on January 25, 2022

How to create a mindset that helps you keep going forward, even when all odds are against you?

In this article I will give you 3 ideas and strategies to start changing right now the way you identify with yourself, with success and failure so you can create a powerful and strong mindset.

10 years ago I decided to step into being a “lifestyle entrepreneur”. What is this? Well basically you create a business around yourself to have the life you will enjoy most, that will make you feel happy, free, successful, etc. This years have given me deep understanding about the process, what skills are required and how to deal with failure, lots of it.

I like that phrase that says: “If it was easy, everybody would do it”. I believe it applies to anyone that is trying to step over from a harsh environment, your comfort zone or trying to get to your “next level” (whatever it may be).

When first arrived to France I had to start from totally 0, had no connections, not plenty of money, just a big dream and lots of new cultural challenges. I remember that I bought a second hand bicycle (about 200 euros) to move around. I was living in a small town, in an area that you are at least 15km from any other town.

I remember starting to get my first personal training clients and the first studios where I could give Yoga lessons. I was just happy because I was able to do it. Of course I had to bike a lot! It was fun but at the same time very harsh, especially when there were cold rainy/windy days during winter. Most of the people around would say: “I could never do that”.

One specially cold and rainy night, I was biking back to my home, it was one hour so I was just listening music with my headphones and seeing the whole “scene” as a movie like moment of my life. While reflecting on my life and goals I had a very powerful thought: “If you are not doing it when is hard, then you will probably not going to do it when is easy”.

Normally you would think it is the opposite, but if you pay close attention to your own life, you will probably see that the moments in which you progressed the most, were those moments in which it was most challenging. Also thinking the opposite like: “I am going to do it in a better moment”, is very dangerous, because it keeps you pushing off your goals and aspirations.

In the end it doesn’t matter how much you want something if you are not ready to do it even with the worst conditions. Because those days, when done, they make you stronger, they make you feel powerful, they become a stamp of your willpower and gives you the motivation to keep up.

How to create a powerful mindset that helps you keep going against rain and wind?

One direction: One day we are all going to die, certainly. So keep up your life very simple minded and avoid complications. There is no way to go back in time and “re do”. So just let go the good times and the bad ones too, and focus on what can you do today while looking forward.

There are no mistakes: In certain moments we are forced to make tough decisions. What happens after any decision are the consequences of it. So you can look into them with the “positive crystal” or the “negative crystal”, meaning, we are going to be judged by our own consciousness and sometimes others because of our decisions. Never let those judgments to take power from you, just learn the lessons, make the most of it, and see your goals to the end.

Embrace the present moment: By developing a disciplined “positive mind”, you will learn to see any moment with good eyes. Accept what you have around you, accept the people around you, accept it all and let it be. You will find peace instead of stress, calm instead of anxiety, gratitude instead of fear.

Would you like to get a free conversation with me?

Just click on the whatsapp icon and we can start chatting. Tell me about your life and goals! Who knows maybe I can help you out a bit!

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3 tools to wake up the fire of determination

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on January 19, 2022

Learn 3 tools to wake up the fire of determination and never let anything to stop you from getting what you want and becoming who you want to be.

Are you lacking the determination required to make any change in your life? Do you consider yourself a determined person when it comes to be 100% committed? What is the reason that some people can have the conviction to follow a path all the way in and many others don’t?

Why you should learn how to fire up and cut the crap quickly?

Life works with cycles and without them, probably it would lose the capacity to keep on going and evolving.

That’s right, the way we progress is by cycles too and we should aim to understand and set up our priorities accordingly. One of the biggest mistakes is to believe things are linear and we just need to go straight forward onto them.

So naturally we feel the desire to get something new and to do so we will need to make some adjustments on our daily habits in order to get it. The problem comes when we are not fully aware of our own cycles, so we expect to “work” with the same intensity all the time, for example. This bring us to deception and repetitive failure, which can make us feel frustration, guilt, anger, etc.

What will mostly happen is that we will need extra energy and time to get fired up again, and if we don’t know exactly how to do it efficiently, then we will quit that endeavour by calling it too difficult, not the right time, not enough “insert skill here”, and so on.

Most skillful and successful people know exactly what to do when having their fire down, because they create a ritual or a group of actions to change it.

Understanding our motivation cycles

A wise-man shaman told me once that motivation is not enough to transform your life, that is only the beginning. If motivation is like a big fire in your heart, then determination is the spark that started it.

So let set an example, imagine that tomorrow you are starting a new diet, and by the 3rd day you go out with some friends and eat some slices of your favorite pizza. Most of us will feel guilt and after that will decide to re start the diet next week to fill up again with enough determination (strength). Which predictable we are not gonna start it again in any close date.

So we want to change this and we are not sure of how. Well, first take notes of all your failures and successes and try to understand how your “motivation cycle works”. What do you do to feel motivated enough and then what do you do to start, and after what do you do to “fail” or “succeed”. Once you get a clear understanding on how do you work internally, then is time to make some changes into that.

We will want to avoid repeating the cycles that brought us to failure, but because we are never really free from them, we should aim to build a protective mindset mechanism that will allow us to fall deep enough to quit(again).

How to start the fire “again”?

Get a goal, make a simple plan and start with what you can and have at the moment.

Sounds easy… but is not.

We will need 3 items to be able to start our fire again and again until we become very skillful and we basically stop noticing any deep changes in our mood and discipline.

Item #1: A ritual to make you spark on anytime and anywhere. It can be some sort of dance, getting out in nature, a conversation with a very like minded and positive friend or coach. Anything that as soon as you do it, makes you feel again the spark to start over and continue. I used to watch some motivational videos in youtube, made a playlist that I would listen everyday after work and would go directly to my training session, no distractions in the middle.

Item #2: The right mindset. Which basically means to understand that life is about cycles, that there are always going to be ups and downs, that perfection is an unattainable ghost, that nothing is so bad or so good, and we can always start again, no matter our age or anything else. The more we cultivate the right mindset, the less danger to quit or dwell into frustration, guilt and other negative emotions and thoughts.

Item #3: An object that remind us who we are, why we started and help us keep our faith in ourselves intact. It can be anything that regardless of the tides of life will always remember us our own value. We need conviction and a recordatory of it. It can be a song, a photo, a certain emotion or experience. Anything that keep us anchored to our inner strength and purpose. I like using a visual recordatory on the wall that I can see everyday.

What now? What else is needed? Am I ready to become a 100% fully determined person that will never let my failures put me down again so I can strive to be the best version of myself?

YES! and not exactly. Why? Because of course this requires practice and repetition, over and over and over. So my sincere wish is that you learn to see failure as your best friend and as new opportunities to master your determination.

There is no specific order in how to apply this tools, just concentrate in repeating them, making changes from time to time. Build up your winning ritual, write down the exact words to cultivate the right mindset and keep your object of anchorage close to you. The rest is just practice and nothing else.

Have a fully determined day starting right now!

If you found this blog article interesting, share it with your friends and family!

Peace.

Félix.

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Inner Strength: Awaken your power within

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on October 12, 2021

Why is important?

If you pay attention to how life works, you will understand that strength is one of the most important abilities that anyone and any living being needs in order to survive. It is the mother of many other capacities that without strength would be dormant.

Of course there are several kinds of strengths and different dimensions to it. But in my opinion the most important one is the strength that comes from the spirit. The power of will, to exist, to be which is innate to our spirit and consciousness in the same way energy is released from the sun.

We could use the sun as a symbol of the raw and real strength that comes within our essence. We should imagine ourselves like a burning star in the cosmos giving constant energy and all sort of radiations to the entire universe.

Without those stars, life in our planet would be impossible, and in the same way, without our power of will, our life could not persevere.

How strength influences our life?

Visualize strength as a raw material that you need to create other skills; such as determination, vigor, patience, perseverance, resilience, wisdom, compassion, control, intelligence, concentration, and much more. You name it, any kind of activity you put yourself into, will ask you to make effort in some extent. Will need you to adapt or change in order to bring new results or outputs. Will require your capacity to repeat the same action or process several times until you reach your desired goals.

Discipline and Strength

If strength is the raw energy, discipline is what gives the shape. It has the capacity to empower it, remove the excess and give a purpose. But discipline without strength is useless, you can’t be a disciplined person without being strong. You need both together, even if you have tremendous amounts of inner strength, without the intelligence of discipline it will be lost. The beauty in this is that when you start working in order to build strength, at the same time you create discipline.

What have I learnt from strength training?

  • Our body needs to adapt and external changes take their time to become “permanent”. Grow the strength of patience.
  • It is a slow process, we don’t have to rush things over, if you are strong enough to persevere, you will see results, without a doubt.
  • Growth is not linear, adaptation and change are a constant. There are ups and downs, be relentless.

What have I learnt from meditation practice?

  • A clear mind is awake and ready to act anytime, it commands and empower your body with determination.
  • A mind that is able to stay concentrated even in harsh environments is stronger and superior than a mind that doesn’t.
  • Emotional strength and stability is only available for us when there is enough consciousness.

How can I grow my inner strength starting today?

  • Wake up to see the sunrise.
  • Do physical strength training 2 or 3 times a week.
  • Meditate 10 minutes daily.
  • Do fasting once every month.
  • Express your feelings in a healthy way.
  • Have cold showers.
  • Learn to be lonely in silence.
  • Practice forgiveness, gratitude and compassion.

Was this article useful? Let a comment to know your experience!

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