How much do you owe to yourself

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on May 12, 2022

In this article we will put a light into why we still feel like we owe something to ourselves and we ain’t doing something about it.

Why is it that we postpone those activities that have a direct effect on our personal life but still we don’t commit to them? Why is it that we struggle so much with our personal discipline in comparison to being commited to external things and other people?

Basically we need to understand that there is a natural resistance to commit to personal disciplines because they change the way we live and there is an area of us that doesn’t want this change. We kind of want the benefits of a certain habit or activity but we don’t want to transform our whole lifestyle in order to stay commited.

There is also a biological factor, the way we live, think, feel, express, learn, etc meaning any experience is determined by our nervous system, so any change that we might want to make, we will have to make it also in our own brain. This is a big effort for him, it requires lots of energy, create new neuronal connections, reinforce them by repetition and basically teaching to our body the new way to be and do. Because our entire system took so many years to be the way it is, the older we get the harder is to change it. Its just too much work.

Fortunately this can change and its called neuroplasticity, the more we engage into new experiences, learn new stuff and keep healthy “brain workout” habits, the more we increase our possibilities to transform inside out. Travelling, meditation, languages, math, physical training, are just a few of ways to make our system to change.

Priority check

What are your priorities? What have been your priorities for the past 10 or 5 years? What priorities would you like to change or renew? Taking some time to reflect into our priorities is the best way to discard anything that we might believe we want but we are not prioritizing, because in the end if we are always feeling like we could do more or something different but we are never engaging actively into it, then the number one reason is that we don’t really want do it. Being honest to ourselves is good and we should not be embarassed to accept that we don’t want to look fit, we don’t want to stop eating ice cream or we don’t want to change our social lifestyle.

The priority meter

One good exercise is to make a list of your priorities, usually something in between 6 to 12, you draw a circle, give to each one of them a current level of accomplishment from 1 to 10 and ask yurself in a short term how much you would like to improve their level and what actions are you going to take right now to do so. Write down the date and hang it on the wall in a very visible way so you never lose sight of your priority activities.

Spot your kind of resistance

Right after you know your priorities with certainty you will want to spot on what kind of resistances you will have to beat up. I believe this is as important as the first part because we may do the motivational coaching job to define our next goals a thousand times and never really getting them. We need to know our enemy that lies in the shadows and we know it very well, it is just so good at hidding itself. Here is a list of the most common resistances that we all might have.

  • Attachment, addiction.
  • Comfort, lazyness.
  • Evasion, procrastination.
  • Overthinking, doubt.
  • Fear, distrust.
  • Lack of motivation and vision.

Once you have clarity over your main resistances you will be able to create a strategy to overcome them and step forward towards a life in which you feel really happy and connected to your own self, with the peace that you are actually doing everything that is in you to feel that way and having the results you wanted.

Accountability peers and coaching

Asking for help is one of the simplest way to introduce changes in our life, changing our social circle, having an accountability partner, sorround yourself with people with same goals and aspirations, and so on. Because there are some neurons that act as mirror and they literally copy the neurons of other people, we can induce behavioral changes by imitating how others drive their life.

Finally having a coach can be very transformative in various ways and can help you to jump from level 0 to 100 faster and better. Not because a coach is a divine being, but because is a person that has studied and perfectioned techniques to do so. Also because to be a coach and set an example to others, that individual had to overcome his/her own negligence. In the end nobody is an exception to the rule, we are all human beings with sort of the same problems and challenges.

If you want to get a call with me just send me a DM and will happily help you as much as I can.

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How to conquer your confidence and thrive

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on February 15, 2022

To have confident means that you know your value and you are ready to risk yourself for what you want

Our confidence is not always at the same state and most of the time is focused on specific activities or skills, like: “I am confident to play an instrument but maybe not as much to solve mathematical equations”. One separate thing is to understand your own limitations and other is to have enough courage to do something new regardless of your level. Because nobody was born knowing how to do something and mastery of a certain skill takes effort and time, just being confident enough when a certain level is acquired and being paralyzed by that feeling, is a big detriment to change your life and thrive in new things, make a career change, etc.

In this article I will share with you where does confidence comes from and how to empower it by healing what is keeping us from our full potential.

Focusing our confidence inside and not externally

First we will want to make a difference in between focusing our confidence internally and externally. This means that when your source of confidence is “your personal value” and not “what others say about you” it will change completely the way you look at yourself and how others will perceive you as well. The meaning of happiness, success, peace, wealth, health and so on will not be determined by what others have or look like and how others perceive you, but on how you perceive yourself regardless of your current situation.

The way you talk to yourself is the way you identify with your current “state of mind”. The more you reinforce feelings like self-pity, guilt, or apathy, the more they will be part of your “persona”, your attitude towards life will be defined by this emotions and people will perceive you like a non trustful person. Therefore it will be harder to get better job opportunities, positive friends and a loving relationship with your significant other.

If you try to show to others how trustworthy you are, first you need to feel it deep in yourself, and that is a matter of attitude, self love and the capacity to see your reality with a certain objectivity. You can’t go there trying to make others happy and meet everybody’s expectations about yourself, if you don’t do that first with yourself. The results from doing that, which means being dishonest and treason your very own values, are destructive and cause of depression and suicide.

Things started to change drastically when I stopped focusing on my external situation and started giving real attention to my internal wellbeing. With simple activities such as enjoying time alone, being in nature, spending time with people that I felt loved, creating music or writing, dancing and doing sports. All this activities helped me to start seeing myself in another way, but what made the real change was to see myself as the only real source of energy and confidence, recognizing and accepting all those parts that needed attention and work and giving myself the time to do it.

Where lies the root of the lack of confidence?

Confidence is related to love, if you are a person that feels loved by “life or god”, by your family, friends and peers, you will get a better chance to have a good amount of confidence. In the other hand, the lack of it, may come from a harsh childhood or nobody modeling us how to act with confidence. Many people may have had a “normal” life and family but their parents or teachers never taught them how to feel secure.

The lack of confidence comes from 3 negative feelings that we all had experienced since childhood: rejection, abandonment and humiliation.

The key component on this emotions is that they act as the source of most of our fears and confidence is being able to see, accept and confront it. When deeply identified to one of this emotions, all our actions will be defined by it. For example, a person that is deeply identified to the feeling of rejection will do anything to be accepted, losing her truth and real value for a piece of attention from somebody else. A person with too much abandonment will try to fill his life with many fake friends, material things or food. A person that was very humiliated will act in a distrustful way with destructive tendencies on excesses and will try to humiliate others to feel better.

When the rejected feels confident, stop caring about others opinions. When the abandoned is in confidence, learns to value herself more and builds positive relationships. When the humiliated feels confidence is able to change the destructive behaviors and trust in others.

Confidence is the strength and courage that comes from love

If you are a person that is looking to become more confident I recommend you put your attention on how much love you are able to receive and give. Learn how to be in balance on how much of this “attention” is being directed towards yourself and how much is going outside to somebody else.

Here are 6 actions that you can do right now to start growing your confidence

  1. Start a healing process of your inner child with a therapist or coach, asking for help when our past or fears seem to big is a safe way to start transforming your life.
  2. Learn to accept your past without judgement or shame, instead be empathic and kind to yourself always.
  3. Make peace with family and friends by cultivating forgiveness and compassion. Find your balance and leave the past in the past.
  4. Recognize what makes you feel fear or out of place and risk to put yourself into the experience. (Try not to harm yourself or others in the process)
  5. Practice new skills and learn new things, meet new people, travel to new places. Every time you try something new, you give yourself the chance to be a new person too.
  6. Learn to meditate to understand that you, me and everything else is interconnected. That we are all together in this life and that there is no separation from you and everything else. We are all one and one is all.

If you are looking for help to become a much more confident person just send me a message, I will be happy to help you.

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Keep it simple, a strategy to live lighter

Coach Félix Fuenzalida on February 14, 2022

Living a simple life

In this article I will show you a basic strategy to transform from feeling stuck and heavy to feel in trust with clarity and light.

What sort of person are you? Do you simplify your life or do you find it complex and difficult?

I have listened the word “complicated” one trillion times in my life, and usually the people that most use it are the ones that are more frustrated with their life, job or relationship. They will usually feel stuck and slow with hundreds of problems at the same time, no one more important than the other, everything just messy and unclear.

In the other hand people that have a lighter way of life, tend to be optimistic and solving problem oriented, they fix their attention in solutions and when there is nothing to do about something or feel uncertain on which road to take, they know how to wait and stay in silence until things get clearer.

So you may become a person that flows through life, allowing your inner creativity to show you the way through whatever obstacle and with the capacity to stay in silence to wait and listen what your inner truth is about.

Step 1: Clean up your room and mind

Before any further action we need to clean up, trash everything that is not making sense anymore in our life and make space for the new. Creativity can’t grow in a place that is full. You will not have new positive thoughts and ideas if you are full of the old ones that has kept you where you are now.

There are so many ways to do this, but the more space we leave the better. Get rid of any thought, belief, material possession, relationship, etc. that is not letting you walk the way you know you could. Or perhaps you don’t know but you wish it.

I know is hard, we have attachment to our old stuff. But take a serious decision and leave it. Perhaps in the future you will get a better one, or you may find the time to “fix it”. But the first step is to let it go.

Make a list of the things in your life that are just there using space and energy and prioritize those that need to be trashed right now.

Step 2: Embrace silence

Silence can be our best friend, although it can be difficult to remain in it. Our mind is always making noise and life is always busy, together with so many distractions such as social media, tv shows, etc. The more space and silence we can create, the more clarity and capacity to listen we will develop.

I recommend to have a daily meditation practice. Sometimes 10 minutes can make a big difference, but we need to create this habit, which may be a bit difficult. In that case I suggest to follow guided meditations or yoga classes to learn and build up the habit in us.

Another thing I recommend is to do a technology fast. Just stay one complete day without looking at your phone and TV. Shut off all electronic equipment in your home and just do some other activities like art, music or bonding with your partner, family or pets. Take care of your garden, go out to nature, sleep. Any of this activities will help you connect with your inner silence. Avoid talking to people if you are too social and extroverted. Just take a time for yourself without any distraction.

Step 3: Go into Zen Mode

Less is better. Avoid the tendency to fill up all the empty spaces and learn to see the beauty of emptiness. You will discover that as solitude, it is very enriching because the little things you have already, will become more meaningful. Also you will always have “free space” to create something new, to change and move things up. To adapt to a new lifestyle, add better habits and so on.

The more things and thoughts you have, the more energy you need to spend on them. Life can be very exhausting when you have so many activities and responsibilities to take care of. Learn to focus on the most important ones and do your best. You will discover that your capacity to be present will be improved, you will become mindful and better at anything you do. It is all about redirecting our energy to the most important activities only.

From time to time, repeat this steps to maintain your life light. Imagine you can put all your life in one bag, what would you chose? Now bring this example to your thoughts and emotions. What thoughts would you chose to keep and which other would you prefer to let go?

Cultivating a Zen mode habit is the best way to keep yourself in peace and able to enjoy life better.

How can I choose what to keep and what let go?

Make yourself this questions

  • Is this vital for me? Will I or somebody die without it?
  • Will my life change drastically if I let it? For good or bad. If good you keep it, if bad you let it.
  • Could it be replaced for something better? Can I replace it right away?
  • Do I REALLY need it? Or it is just for fun and pleasure.
  • Could I use that space for something else or even letting it empty?
  • Is this helping me get the results that I want in my life? Have the lifestyle that I wish? The performance that I want? The health that me and my family deserve?
  • How could be my life without it? How could be my life with more of this?

Send me a message if you wish to go deeper into how to get into ZEN MODE!

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Yoga, Fitness and Meditation in Saint-Tropez Book Your Class Today! Private and group classes for people that prioritize their Health and Fitness Life is movement, and from this premise, we learn how to move in ways that our body reaches new limits. Our practice (physical discipline) should bring us health and well-being, altogether, it should…

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